Oh man. My poor girl had a real kick in her faith last week.
It was Grandparents' Day at her school. Everyone else had grandparents. Hers didn't fly down for a one hour visit to the class. It was HORRIBLE.
We will be fixing this error of adult perception NEXT Grandparents' Day, I assure you.
However, she hit a psychological wall as a result of this. Bedtime, which had been easy, became again hell on earth. The flopping, crying, and, at oh dark hundred, journey through the house to my bed have again returned. As we argued, struggled, and ultimately had the screaming fit she so desperately needed, she said, brokenly..."But then I am alone."
Oh. My. God.
That was NOT what I expected.
She doesn't want to be at school because she was alone there when her friends had grandparents. When she goes somewhere, all her friends have two parents. The idea that Mommy comes back is firmly embedded in her head, but it's the idea that Mommy isn't there all the time that kills her. I can't fight that one.
How do you fight the phantom parent?
The Demie Diva has a love/hate relationship with her dad. She frequently articulates her dislike to people like the fabulous Ms. D. She doesn't want to go with him, but watches for him out the window. She wants more than I honestly think he's able to give, and then, she takes it out on the one person who represents safety and security for her.
It's wearing me out.
Tuesday, I stayed home from work. My body is in total shut-down mode. There is an evil and recurrent virus making the rounds of the ninth grade. It continues to bite me in the butt. I slept. The Demie Diva slept. And, when we got up, we went round and round and round about what we were and weren't going to do/say to Mommy.
Eventually, I burst into tears and sobbed. I can't be everything my child needs for me to be. And, I can't fix it.
"Mommy," said a little voice. "I know. I will read a story, and it will make it better."
So, I'm human. I lost it.
I also learn from my wiser friends...and while I don't have a Book of Important Papers, I did send someone to school with pictures of the Diva Grandparents and Diva Maman, Demie Diva, and Diva Chien tucked in her backpack.
Thank God, they worked.
What The What?
9 years ago
Oooooo, you're a smartie, sending her with pictures. We do whatever works. She is not alone, she has a large, loving family and YOU my friend should not feel guilty about the distance between you and them. It is what it is and Demi Diva can learn that distance is geographical ONLY and hearts can span that distance. Tough lesson for a little Diva but she's a smart one.
ReplyDeleteDo you have Todd Parr's book on families? I bet you do. Families are different and come in all sizes and shapes and just because he Grandparents live far away doesn't mean she is alone. You know it and say it to her but if she sees it in a BOOK....well, that's different. That's important.
Good luck my friend. You're doing a spectacular job. It might not feel like that but you are.
Sigh. Back atcha!
Deleteyou are doing a great job Michelle. I know the feeling. My daughters lost my mom and don't have much to do with MIL at all. It's hard on days like that. My mom went through it when my dad was gone and I went through it when there was a father daughter dance, etc. I missed my dad being there. But I loved my mother with everything I had and she was the most important person in my life for many years and thereafter. We were best friends. Morgan has a wonderful mother who will be the one she remembers and loves. And as Leigh says, families are distances away and come in all different forms. Hugs, I know your job as a mom is a hard one, but I admire you very much. :-) I have been part of that type of family and you are a great mom, just like mine was.
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